Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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