this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
