my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
