wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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