If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
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Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
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Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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