Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
