If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
