never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
