My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
