I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
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Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
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Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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