just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
