I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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