he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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