I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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