I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
