census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
