I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
