OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
