i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
