just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize