It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
