Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
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