No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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