I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
