I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Oh god it's open bar.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
