like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
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