just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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