so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
