just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
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If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
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It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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