his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
