there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
