Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Text me some of your sweat
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
