Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
