I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
