Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
