What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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