i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Found your dick twin last night
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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