I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
