I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize