im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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