My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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