i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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