1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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