We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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