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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
