Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
