PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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