First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
