um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
