We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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