Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
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I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
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you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Pants are for mortals
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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