Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
