For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
