Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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