Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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