I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
