just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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