Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
