your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
