It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
