why do cheetos always look like penises
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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