How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
