He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
