You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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