After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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