I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
