but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
