I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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